Your Love Differences: I Feel Loved When

Page Highlights: find a free online assessment for the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman

It’s important to keep your relationship positive & loving.

This exercise further helps you to express to your partner how you are made to feel cared for.

This keeps your partner from having to guess (and maybe guessing wrong) about what you appreciate most.

The Exercise:

Each of you complete the statement “I feel loved by you when you…” below.

Write down 3 to 5 things your partner can do.

Once you’ve both written down your responses, share your list with your partner. Discuss and explain if necessary, but most importantly do the things your partner has listed . . . and enjoy!

NOTICE! As you write down your responses apply these principles:

  • Keep it positive. Don’t write, “I feel loved when you don’t nag me.” Instead, “I feel loved when you remember to call me during the day” or “I feel loved when you tell me you love me.”
  • Make the cost of the behavior free or inexpensive. Not “I feel loved when you buy me jewelry” but, “I feel loved when you rub my back” or “I feel loved when you bring me a romantic card”
  • Choose something that can happen every day or with some frequency. “I feel loved when you kiss me hello and/or good-bye” or “I feel loved when you compliment me on my appearance.”

“His” I feel loved by you when you . . .

1. _______________________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________

4. _______________________________________________________

5. _______________________________________________________

“Hers” I feel loved by you when you . . .

1. _______________________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________

4. _______________________________________________________

5. _______________________________________________________

Resources:

When doing marriage preparation with couples, I sometimes ask them what other resources they are using.

If there is any one book that gets mentioned most often, it is the 5 Love Languages (with subtitle: the secret to love that lasts) by Gary Chapman.

The idea of the book is that we speak different love languages. That is, we experience love in different ways. Exercise in the book help couples to uncover the love language of their partner and to show them love in their language.

The five love languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service and,

Physical Touch

Chapman suggests that everyone has two main love languages.

Maybe you’d like tell your partner which two are yours.

If you want to go beyond the simple exercise above, you might want to get a copy of The Five Love Languages and work through the more extensive exercises provided.

Get Your Free Love Language Assesment

You can also go to Chapman’s website for a free 5 love languages assessment. I did it myself and it takes about 10 minutes to answer 30 questions. You can enter your name and email address to have the results emailed to you, or you can skip that step and still get the results online. My top love language with a score of 10 was words of affirmation.

This is another way telling your partner how to show you love.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

24 comments to Your Love Differences: I Feel Loved When

  • Wick & Ginny

    We have read Gary Chapman’s book and wholeheartedly endorse it! We’ve given copies of it to friends and family. Honestly, Wick thinks the cost of a marriage license should be increased to include a copy of the book given to each couple. Learning your partner’s love language is paramount to keeping the love alive.

    Any couple considering separation or divorce owes it to themselves to read the book before calling it quits on their marriage.

    My two primary love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. Wick’s are Physical Touch and Quality Time. The funny thing is, both of us score a zero for the language of Receiving Gifts! We’ll be able to keep it cheap! 🙂

  • Amy & Roger

    This was our favorite to do, we had previously read The 5 Love Languages and it was really beneficial. We learned a lot from this page exercise we had fun 🙂

  • Amy & Roger

    This was our favorite exercise, we had fun doing it. We actually learned things about each other we had not talked about before it was very beneficial 🙂

  • Connie Noward and Barry Thiessen

    We have done the 5 love languages assessment before and it is right on for both of us. Hers is Act of Service and mine is Words of Affirations/Physical Touch.
    This exercise affirms this.

  • Michael and Terry

    This was such a sweet exercise. It was good to hear what each other does, without even really knowing it that makes the other feel loved. Thanks for this one, it was a feel good exercise.

  • Edgardo and Hannah

    We really liked this exercise. It was nice to be reminded of what makes us feel loved. I know I have seen more of this happening in our relationship since we discussed the things that make us feel loved.

  • Ashley Harris and Mike Frisbie

    We enjoyed doing this exercise and have been trying to think about each others love languages. Ashley’s top two were acts of service and quality time and Mike’s were words of affirmation and quality time. We also found it helpful to know things that make the other person feel loved so that we can try to do them more!

  • Katie and John

    We LOVED this! It was a blast! We both learned alot about each other! I learned somethings that I do that make him feel loved that I had no clue I was doing. Oh it was so much fun! 🙂

  • Dustin and Katie

    This was a very helpful exercise. Both of us pride ourselves on our communication skills and know some things that the other person appreciates us doing. However, this exercise did provide us with the direction to find out a couple of new things that we can both do to make things just a little bit better.

  • Lindsey and Rhett

    We read the 5 love languages when my mom gave me a copy of the book. Rhett and I have different love languages, although we have a strong understanding of how to make the other feel loved. This was an easy exercise and we were able to predict what each other wrote down. Even though we have a good understanding of what each other’s languages are, it is still nice to be constantly reminded of the nice things we do for one another and to avoid the things that we don’t like 🙂

  • Kelly and Larry

    We loved this exercise because most of the things we are already doing, and it is nice to be reminded how much we tell each other we love each other and make the other person feel loved. 🙂

  • Mary Ann and Christoper Griffiths

    We learned that 5 lines is not enough for all the reasons why we feel loved. It made my day personally to hear him say out loud all the reasons!

  • Maggie and Jason

    We enjoyed this exercise because it helped us realize little things we can do to show our love daily. Now that we know some simple gestures, we will put them to good use!

  • John and Meg

    We came up with many reasons for why we love each other. Once we started talking about our five, this led to many more reasons. We also discovered that we share the same two love languages.

  • Raychel and Peter

    We think that because of our long distance situation, we have a very good idea about what makes each other feel loved. Something we have found that we enjoyed while being apart was writing each other cards and letters. Being able to read how each other felt and how much we missed one another was a great way to show our love. We are quite open about expressing how we feel and this exercise was a great reminder to continue to SHOW each other how much we care.

  • D & S

    I was surprised that our languages were the same. I thought because he was a man that it would be different. I loved having him tell mw what I do that makes him feel loved!!! In typical male fashion…he replied “Ditto Baby!”

  • Amanda & Nate

    A very enjoyable exercise. “I love you when…” was a pleasure to discuss with each other. Although we generally know how to make each other happy, you can’t revisit the conversation often enough as to what the other person wants to truly be happy in a relationship. We were familiar with Dr. Chapman’s Love Language system, but had never really thought much about which one(s) we “speak”. The link to the self exam was great! Amanda had a tie with “Quality Time” and “Physical Touch” – two qualities that definitely apply to her! Nate got “Quality Time” and “Words of Affirmation” – which also makes a lot of sense. Having revisited each of our preferred languages, we will make every attempt to speak to one another in those languages – with the potential to strengthen our relationship more and more over the years of our upcoming marriage.

  • Alan and Alyse

    We’ve actually answered this while playing the Couples version of the Ungame with friends! I know he loves me when he takes the dogs out and closes the bedroom door for me to sleep in on weekends. He always sneaks out so I never hear him. 🙂

  • Emily and Robert

    We liked this exercise. It was helpful to know what we are already doing now and what we can do in the future to make each other feel loved. This is very good to know in order to help establish a loving and kind marriage.

  • Kara and David

    This was a great exercise because it helps us see certain things each partner values and appreciates about the other. Some things that made each person feel loved were unknown to the other partner. It is good to discuss these things so that we can continue to do things to please each other and keep our relationship fresh even after being married for many years.

  • Thomas & Tiffany

    We really enjoyed this activity. Thomas feels loved when Tiffany surprises him with things he has mentioned he wants, but doesn’t get for himself. For example, he’s been checking the book store for a certain book he’s wanted the past couple times we have gone. Tiffany went online and ordered it for him and when it was delivered to the house, it made him feel loved that she remembered he wanted it. He also feels loved when she points out things that he’s knowledgeable about, like fun facts and random trivia. Tiffany feels loved when Thomas lays out her bathrobe for her by the bed every morning before work, because it’s sweet that he doesn’t want her to feel cold and is a simple gesture that is very much appreciated. She also loves when he helps out with the cleaning and DIY house projects. We think this exercise was great to simply say “thank you” for doing these things because they are things we probably don’t regularly say “thank you” for and it’s nice to hear that these small efforts are gradually improving our relationship without even realizing it.

  • Aaron & Chelsey

    We enjoyed this exercise a lot. Of all of the topics, we found that we were more in-sync with knowing what makes each of us feel loved and what our love languages are. We were able to revisit and acknowledge what the other values in our relationship and we discussed how to show each other that we care in a way that makes the other feel loved.

  • Margaret & Richard

    We enjoyed this exercise & discovering that there were numerous things the other person did without thinking which made the other feel loved. Small little habits forming as a way of showing our thanks, appreciation, and love. This exercise is a great way to remind each other of the small things we do to show the other we love and care.

  • Maelee and Jake

    We both knew our primary love languages, and share 2 out of our top 3. But I liked getting into the specifics regarding the “I feel loved when”. For us both to list out specific things was beneficial. We’ve talked about it before, but not as concentrated and specific.

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>