Questions About Your Marriage Commitment

This section will seem very negative to some…and maybe it is.

But commitment is the key (or at least a big key) to a successful marriage.

It can only help to be sure a couple understands each other’s views about commitment in marriage.

Here are some questions to get you started:

1. Under what circumstances could we imagine getting a divorce?

2. How are we going to guard ourselves from sexual unfaithfulness?

3. What happens when my individual needs aren’t the same as yours?

4. Are we getting married for the right reasons?

5. Do we need to fine-tune our approaches to handling problems & handling money?

Below is what one husband wrote to his wife. See what you think.

Maybe you’ll want to write your own marriage commitment statements:

  • There is no other woman I long to be with other than you.
  • I will remain your life companion until one of our deaths dissolves our covenant.
  • I will try to grow in my ability to tend to your needs as a human being, as a woman, and as a Christian.
  • I will try to conduct myself in our marriage the way I imagine Christ would treat you if he were the one married to you.
  • I will control my desires to look at & fantasize about being with other women.
  • I will be your servant.
  • I will place your well-being above my career and above my recreation.
  • I will work to make you feel loved, since that is different from my loving you in the ways I prefer.
  • I will view our relationship as a resource to us both.
  • I will not perceive you as someone who exists to meet my needs but rather as someone who exists for me to serve.

“Marriage means a man and a woman looking deep into each other’s eyes and saying,
‘I will never leave you. Others may come and go in our life, but I never will – for any reason – ever. If you wrinkle, I’ll love you. If you fail, I’ll stay with you. If you get sick, I’ll feed you, bathe you, sit up with you, anything except leave you. I will never leave you.’” -Landon Saunders

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27 comments to Questions About Your Marriage Commitment

  • Christopher and Bethany

    We asked each other the questions above and we both have the same views towards them. We both know what we want and what we both expect from this relationship and it feels great for us to know who we are and what we do for each other. We know this is a relationship that will last. However, some of the examples that were given about what the guy wrote to his wife we kind of disagree with to an extent. “I will control my desires to look at & fantasize about being with other women.” So he openly admits that he has desires for and fantasizes about other women, but he’s going to control it. To us, this is just really odd, honest i guess, but just odd to us in that neither of us has fantasies about being with other people. We agree that if you are having ideas about being with other people, then maybe you aren’t ready for the type of commitment that marriage requires. Another thing in the examples that we don’t agree with is: “I will be your servant” and “I will not perceive you as someone who exists to meet my needs but rather as someone who exists for me to serve.” We both know and feel that we will do anything and everything for the other, but the way it comes across is almost in a way that he is going to give himself to her regardless of how he himself feels. That he only has one purpose and that is to suit her needs. A good relationship isn’t about just giving and giving to the other, it’s about finding that balance that both of you need for each other. One side can not just give and give and give without eventually breaking down and giving up. This is just our opinions and the way that we perceived some of those thing to come across.

  • Connie Noward and Barry Thiessen

    I cannot answer the reasons that I would get a divorce. Perhaps at one time in my life I would have said unfaithfulness. We have both been through alot with each other and found a way to forgive and move forward slowly. I will not say there is anything that could cause divorce. I have learned you do not know what love is capable of forgiving until you go through it personally. We both want faithfullness and all the things listed above but we both know that we are only human and there will always be a chance that we will fail each other in some way. The best gift that I feel we can give each other in our marriage is the forgiveness that Christ gives us everyday.

  • Michael and Terry

    This was an interesting topic. We both feel that love is a choice, making your relationship work is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice as well as healing. The fact remains that we are individuals and have the ability to make decisions. Our hope is that the choices we make support each other and are good ones. We are human, and obviously there will be times when we are all tested, regardless of what that test is, but the fact remains that if we remain true to ourselves and the partner you chose, the end result would be what each other expects.

  • Taryn & Andy

    These questions were some of the most difficult to address thus far. No one wants to imagine a terrible situation such as a divorce, infidelity, or even death occuring in their marriage. However, it is always a good thing to discuss. My mother (Taryn’s) discussed with me in many situations how you should openly discuss life issues, regarding many topics mentioned above, in advance. I couldn’t agree with her more.

    It was really enjoyable to look over the examples that the husband wrote out. Most of his answers were positive and seemed very committed to the marriage they were entering, above all other situations. It did help us keep a positive mind frame on these important issues and openly discuss between each other!

  • Lexi and Aaron

    These are by far some of the most difficult questions to discuss and answer. Our hope as a couple is that we can keep our communication open, and as long as we can still talk with each other, we can keep our marriage strong. We know that communciation is something that we will need to work on everyday, and have vowed to make that effort.

  • Jackie & Mark

    This was a very interesting topic and brought out a lot of discussion and scenarios about “what if..” with each other. In the end we both agree that choosing to get married is a choice and a commitment. While we both agree that there will be times that we will face adversity and trials in our marriage we also agree that if we stay focused and true to our commitment to each other and our marriage that we can make it through.

  • Joe and Tara

    We really enjoyed this exercise. It reminded us of what marriage is all about and has us thinking of our own commitments that we will make to each other!

  • Ashley Harris and Michael Frisbie

    This was a really difficult exercise I did not find it enjoyable to discuss what situations a divorce would be an option in but the other questions were really good and more positive to talk about. We were on the same page as far as our ideas on these difficult questions. I think it made it easier because we had discussed a lot of these issues before we got engaged, so we were comfortable talking about everything. It was encouraging to re-affirm that we are getting married for the right reasons and we are extremely committed to each other and to making our marriage work even through difficult circumstances.

  • Andy & Stacy

    This is a horrible topic, yet a welcomed fierce conversation! We discussed the questions above and weren’t surprised that we are in agreement. Keeping open communication and vowing to treat each other with respect as #1 priorities lay the ground work for avoiding marriage commitment issues.

  • Katie and John

    This was really helpful. Although we didnt like the idea of discussing divorce but it will help in the long run.

  • Dustin and Katie

    This was actually a pretty easy exercise. These are things that we have discussed before. Dustin’s being in the military has allowed him to see some of the more unfortunate and disastrous endings to marriages. So we have previously approached these subjects so as to learn from other peoples mistakes and ensure that we handle those same situations differently.

  • Lindsey and Rhett

    This topic was not as light as some of the others but it was a welcomed discussion. We both feel strongly about infidelity and don’t worry about this in our relationship. THere are times that we lose sight of what is most important to one another in our busy daily grind. Knowing divorce may be a reality if we don’t put our relationship first is a fear of both of ours. Nobody gets married and predicts infidelity, divorce, or death, but these are real life issues and it is healthy to discuss potential negative outcomes and make sure we are on the same page with our values.

  • Tammy and Duke

    Making sure your spiritual relationship is in tact, and putting God first, that would more than likely, in our opinion guard your heart from doing anything that would cause harm to the other person. The trust that we have for each other is more than I’ve ever imagined in my life of ever having with someone. It’s all about accountability…to ourselves, to each other and to God.
    My favorite question was “are you getting married for the right reason?” The answer to that is…we’re getting married for ALL the right reason. We both feel that God paved the path for us to be who we are today, and to be with each other. We’ve both been through a lot, and that’s what strengthens our bond with each other.

  • JoAnna & Dan

    We are fully committed to each other, and it is reassuring to hear each others answers to these questions and it reaffirms what we have been working on and growing for the past 5.5 years.

    As long as we always remember to communicate we will be a success.

  • Kelly and Larry

    We had very similar answers for this exercise. It wasn’t the most pleasant exercise to discuss circumstances of getting divorced; however it was beneficial to hear each other’s answers. We definitely enjoyed to hear why we are getting married and the reasons for wanting to get married. We both feel that we are in love, we compliment each other, and we make each other better individuals.

  • Stephanie & Jonathan

    Divorce is not something that you usually discuss while wedding planning, but I think it was actually a good thing to discuss our boundaries. Unfaithfulness and becoming a criminal were our main issues. Regarding unfaithfulness, we feel that being open and trusting is the most important safeguard. We also think its very important to surround yourself with positive people that have your best interest at heart. Making time for one another and paying attention to each others needs are top priority. Our goal for handling problems and money issues will resolve around communication and doing our bills and budget together.

  • Shannon Brunner and Jason Lawson

    We had both been married once before and we had talked long and hard and took 5 and a half years until we decided that we wanted to get married a 2nd time and that this time that no matter what we would be together forever or until something happened to one of us which we had already discussed and made a will with each other. We can honestly say that love and marriage is a choice and you chose to stay together no matter what.

  • D & S

    We had somewhat discussed some of these topics as both of us had been married before. But in this exercise we had to actually address the topics and verbally commit to staying together. We know we will have disagreements about money, like all couples do, but we have agreed that we resolve these issues before they become major issues by communicating constructively.

  • Amanda & Nate

    An important part of marriage preparation is to discuss not only the pleasant topics, but to also preemptively tackle the tough ones, and that’s just what we did for this exercise. We have been together for many years, and have met many bumps along the road. However, we were able to overcome every one, and we’ve only grown stronger because of them. Our thought is that the most common problem in marriages is that after a while, people just stop trying to impress each other. Things grow stagnant, and people get frustrated. A successful marriage takes a lifelong investment of everything one has, and both partners must reciprocate unconditional love for one another for it to work out. It’s an uphill battle, but after looking at these “negative” hypothetical situations, we can’t see many obstacles that would cause us to stumble so far that it could threaten our marriage. We will take our vows very seriously, and have decided to have them available to consult during any time when we need reminded of why we decided to get married in the first place (similar to the previous exercise).

  • Bob & Cindy

    Another good help section for writing our vows.

  • Although this is a negative topic, we feel that we should be open about our feelings and expectations in these situations. This exercise helped put our thoughts into perspective and what we expect from each other as individuals and as a couple.

  • Gail and Jerry

    This is a bit of an unpleasant topic, but a very important conversation. We both were in total agreement about what we would not tolerate in marriage, which was pretty much infidelity. This was a non-negotiable for both of us, and we agreed that if we ever feel there are issues in the marriage, we will stay committed and talk about them and work through them. We did acknowledge that we may need to work on the area of finances and how we will manage them, as I’ve never been married and haven’t really “shared” money before. We made a plan on how to deal with this going forward. It was a good thing to talk about.

  • Aleah and Brandon

    This exercise taught us what we need to do in order to remain a team and have an ongoing, happy marriage. We both agreed to above all putting each other first before all other aspects of life. Money issues happen to everyone but loving and respecting your partner at all times is the focus and priority

  • Thomas & Tiffany

    We agree that this exercise was sort of depressing as we are in the middle of the “excitement” of getting married so discussing divorce was sort of a let-down, BUT we know it’s important to lay out these “what-if” situations… We both have a great deal of trust in each other and we think that plays the largest part in divorce prevention. Neither of us put ourselves in situations where we could become unfaithful (we don’t have friends of the opposite sex, we don’t go to clubs or bars, we have very little social media, etc…). However, we know that being in a marriage is a choice. A choice that we both have to make every single day so we want to stay committed and honor each other in the best ways that we can. Sure we know that we will face trials and mistakes in the future, but we are only human and we will face those times as they come. We promise to put our relationship first before anything else and work through and difficult times with each other’s respect and honor in mind.

  • Aaron & Chelsey

    We both agreed that the only thing that we could see resulting in divorce would be cheating. Neither of us have ever cheated, nor do we have the desire to cheat. We agreed that we will openly communicate with each other when one of us is feeling neglected or unloved, and that we will work together to resolve any issues.

    Lastly, let’s return to our previous noodle argument. I’ve been asking the noodle question for the past few months. It seems that women stir noodles and men let them sit. We all have different approaches to the same solution, and by understanding one another we can just break out the parmesan and enjoy life, love, and Italian food together!

  • Maggie & Steve

    We went through each question and answered them together, discussing along the way. The reoccurring theme was that communication would be vital to our successful marriage, through all ups and downs. We are still fine-tuning certain parts of our relationship, but as it continues to grow we will grow together.

  • Maelee and Jake

    These are questions we have each discussed previously, and we were glad to dive back into them in detail. Obviously there are still things we are having to fine tune, but we are continually working to do so. I have parents who were divided and eventually divorced due to supposed unfaithfulness, along with many other issues, so that is definitely a means of divorce for me, and he agreed. That is the only reason we could see splitting. Other than that, we agree there should be no other exception.

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