While waiting to perform a wedding the other day, I was speaking to a guest and she told me she had recently divorced her second husband. She explained that it was shortly after they married that she realized he was addicted to his work. The good side is that he was very successful and a great provider - but she had no life with him.

I’ve heard this kind of story many times, and is one reason marriage preparation is so important. One of the things I often say to couples about premarital preparation is that it can “reduce the number of unpleasant surprises.”

This all reminded me of a list of 25 dating red flags I’ve given to young people in teaching about dating. It may not be an easy thing for a couple who are engaged to do this, but if there is a problem, NOW is the time to find it and deal with it, right?

Here’s the list of questions:

Does this person:

Have extreme views on political, family, religious, or world affairs?

Encourage you to develop your talents and progress, or do they want to keep you
hidden in a closet, away for the rest of the world?

Allow you time for yourself, or is this person possessive?

Encourage you to have your own interests, your own life too?

Allow you to spend time with your friends, or is your partner jealous of your friends
and the time you spend with them?

Compare you to past boyfriends or girlfriends?

Take an interest in other people, or is your partner selfish with his/her time and pursuits?

Exhibit behaviors that suggest that the world revolves around him/her?

Exhibit behaviors that suggest personality faults such as deep insecurity, excessive
jealousy, uncontrollable temper, and inflexibility?

Exhibit character flaws such as being condescending, or lying, cheating, stealing,
arrogance, etc.?

Fail to admit mistakes and can never admit to being wrong?

Often exhibit negative or critical traits?

Complain about your family or spending time with your family?

Seek to build relationships with your family or does this person lack the skills to do so?

Have difficulty relating to his/her own family?

Enjoy work or is this person prone to laziness and irresponsibility?

Have the television on all the time as his/her place?

Criticize your appearance?

Tell you that you need to lift-weights, go jogging, or join a health club?

Make fun of your weight or other bodily traits?

Verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse you?

Tear you down and then try to come back a few days later as Mr. Nice Guy,
promising it will never happen again?

Need to make major social or emotional changes in his/her life?

Promise that he/she will change after the wedding?

Have some of the same goals, dreams, and aspirations as you do?

Adapted from D.E. Brinley & M.D. Ogletree, First Comes Love.

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Share This  |  Email It  |  Print This Post  |  Subscribe to It!
This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 10th, 2007 at 4:50 pm and is filed under Personality Issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.