You are the counselor! What would you say to these couples:

• She likes her family to drop in anytime to visit. He thinks it’s rude and inconsiderate for them to do so.
• He bought a new truck without talking to her about it. She’s upset because they are having trouble paying for their bills.
• She’s ready to have a baby. He says it’s still too soon.

Think of other couples you know of at work, in the family, etc. and problems they have had and how you would solve them.

Discussing other couple’s problems will help you to reveal to each other your perspectives on how problems are solved.

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

In marriage and premarital counseling when discussing differences, I will sometimes do this simple demonstration.

I will hold my hand out palm to the groom and bride and ask them to describe it. I then describe my hand from my viewpoint. Our descriptions vary slightly, so I ask which one of us is right. Of course, we are both right, we’re just looking at the same hand from different perspectives.

One of the benefits of listening to our partner is that it helps us see things from their perspective.

Here are some questions you might wish to discuss:

1. Is there a subject you’ve been discussing where there is no right or wrong?
2. How does remembering this principle of “perspective” help in a marriage?
3. What are some areas in which men and women have different perspectives?

Everyone has stupid arguments!

Here’s one stupid argument: A husband was sitting in front of his TV eating from a bag of LAYS potato chips when he pulled from the bag the biggest potato chip you’ve ever seen in your life. He starts holding it in the air, waving it around and bragging as if he had the made the chip himself. All is fine until his wife reached over and crunched his potato chip! He got mad and an argument followed. 

Can each of you think of a stupid argument you’ve heard (maybe you were in it), and then answer the following questions.

• What made the argument stupid?
• Why do you think it became an argument?
• How could the argument have been avoided?

Here are more questions you may want to discuss, especially if you tend to argue alot:

• Are there certain conditions where we argue the most?
• Are there some “rules” we could establish for when and how we discuss differences?
• Do we believe that all disagreements must be resolved?
• What do we do if there is an unsolvable problem?

Would you like to submit a stupid argument in the comments section below?

When it comes to communication and expressing love in a relationship, understanding personality differences is key.

The following exercise is one I often hear couples say they really enjoy and find fun.

You can do a 5-minute free personality test online that tells you how to best love and how to communicate to your spouse given their unique personality. We tend to want to love and communicate to our partner in the way we like, rather than the way our partner likes.

This exercise will help you see things from the perspective of the other person.

Go to the link below for the free personality:

http://www.personalitytype.com/quiz.asp

The site does not ask for any of your personal contact information to use the free tool! See screenshot below:

Before Starting Your Couple Exercises Review the Following Principles on
Communication and Conflict Resolution

1. Communication takes time. Commit to take the time now & throughout your marriage to communicate. It is the lifeblood of your relationship.
2. Truly listen to each other, without judgment. Test your understanding by repeating back in your own words what you hear your partner say.
3. Honestly express your thoughts & feelings to your partner. On the other side, be ready to accept what your partner says. 
4. Remember that every relationship has conflicts. To start with men are from Mars and women are from Venus!  When you have a conflict:

Deal with it. Often resolving differences is a process over a period of time.    But unresolved issues do not 
go away. Resentments can build over the years. 

Control your anger. Anger & other defensive tactics shut off communication. You may need to take a walk &
delay discussing something. But do come back to it.

Clearly define the problem. Specify how each of you may contribute to the problem, or difficulty in resolving
the issue.

Brainstorm possible solutions. Decide, and if necessary, negotiate a mutually agreeable solution. Then put
it to the test.

Stay committed. In most cases, people can resolve their differences. When you do, it will give you confidence that problems don’t have to defeat you. Your relationship will be stronger & you will feel more secure in it.

Seek outside help if needed. If you hit a snag, sometimes having a third party to give feedback and direction can be helpful. Contact a minister or other trained helper for guidance.

You may want to print out this page and keep it close to remind of yourself of these guidelines.