Well, this is a common approach for dealing with problems with in-laws!

However, it’s not one I advise.

Here are some better approaches:

SET SOME GOALS:

You need to be intentional about your relationship with your family.

Describe the kind of relationship you want with your extended family.

LOOKING AT DIFFERENCES

• Extended families bring together diverse people with differing expectations for family.

• Discuss your families’ differences in terms of: generational gaps, geographical factors (city vs. rural), financial levels, and spiritual / religious viewpoints

• As you think about the above, what is the difference between acceptance and agreement?

• How will you work to bridge generation & value gaps?

• What does it mean to you to love someone unconditionally?

• Who do you clash with most in your extended family? Why? What are the strong points of the person you clash with?

• Try re-framing negative qualities: meddlesome becomes concerned, and bossy becomes shows leadership

WHEN THERE’S TENSION

• Talk about how you will keep lines of communication open even when relationships are strained.

• What is your plan for remaining calm if an antagonistic family member tries to draw you into an argument?

• How will you respond when you are given unsolicited advice?

• How will you deal with contentious subjects?

• You know what your complaints are toward your future in-laws. Now consider the major complaints that your in-laws have toward their children-in-law, and how you can respond to them in a positive way: Some examples: they view you as indifferent, distant,- thoughtless, inconsiderate, or too busy to be interested in their parent’s lives

KEEPING THINGS POSITIVE

• What can you do to promote harmony when the family is together?

• What fun things can you do with your extended family that will help strengthen relationships?

BOUNDARIES

• How will you know when extended family issues are affecting your marriage and what will you do about it?

• What are the boundaries for your immediate family and how will you communicate those to your extended family?

• When you have to be direct & forceful with extended family: Who should do it? When should it be done? How should it be said?

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 14th, 2007 at 3:04 pm and is filed under Conflict Resolution. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.