Husbands & wives need to both ask for what they want and listen to their mate ask for what they want. We all have needs and there is nothing wrong with wanting those needs met. But it must go both ways for a healthy relationship. Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition, rather both give 100%.

The following exercise will give you both practice in assertively asking for what you want and in listening to what your partner wants & needs.

Separately, each of you look over the list below. Rate from 1 to 3 how important each item is to you (“1” is of lesser importance & “3” is of greater importance). Print out two copies to respond separately.

There is a blank at the end for “other” if there is something else you think of that’s important to you.

When both are finished, discuss your 3’s & then others as you wish.

NOTICE! As you share your responses:

• Listen carefully to your partner as they express their needs and why these are so important to them.

• This is not meant as an opportunity to make selfish demands.

• Be realistic in your expectations and be willing to compromise in some areas.

Ask and Listen___ Spend most of your free time with me
___ Let me make my own decisions
___ Change a personal habit if it bothers me
___ Always tell me what you are thinking
___ Discuss with me before spending money
___ Join in with me in things I like to do
___ Go shopping with me
___ Have sex with me whenever I want
___ Kiss me every day
___ Show / don’t show affection to me in public
___ You take care of birth control
___ Have no contact with former girl/boyfriends
___ I’d like to spend regular time with my parents
___ Both of us be involved in religious activities
___ Speak about me & to me with respect in public
___ Remember special days with presents
___ Call if you are running late
___ Clean up your own messes
___ Throw away old love letters
___ Have good personal hygiene
___ Talk to me face to face daily
___ Always tell me what’s bothering you
___ Compliment me often
___ Keep the house clean
___ Keep yourself attractive
___ Be home in the evenings
___ Help with dinner
___ Make me feel better when I’m down
___ Take care of me when I’m sick
___ Support me in my dreams
___ Plan fun dates for us
___ Be nice to my family
___ Other: ______________________

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