You are the counselor! What would you say to these couples:

• She likes her family to drop in anytime to visit. He thinks it’s rude and inconsiderate for them to do so.
• He bought a new truck without talking to her about it. She’s upset because they are having trouble paying for their bills.
• She’s ready to have a baby. He says it’s still too soon.

Think of other couples you know of at work, in the family, etc. and problems they have had and how you would solve them.

Discussing other couple’s problems will help you to reveal to each other your perspectives on how problems are solved.

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In marriage and premarital counseling when discussing differences, I will sometimes do this simple demonstration.

I will hold my hand out palm to the groom and bride and ask them to describe it. I then describe my hand from my viewpoint. Our descriptions vary slightly, so I ask which one of us is right. Of course, we are both right, we’re just looking at the same hand from different perspectives.

One of the benefits of listening to our partner is that it helps us see things from their perspective.

Here are some questions you might wish to discuss:

1. Is there a subject you’ve been discussing where there is no right or wrong?
2. How does remembering this principle of “perspective” help in a marriage?
3. What are some areas in which men and women have different perspectives?

Everyone has stupid arguments!

Here’s one stupid argument: A husband was sitting in front of his TV eating from a bag of LAYS potato chips when he pulled from the bag the biggest potato chip you’ve ever seen in your life. He starts holding it in the air, waving it around and bragging as if he had the made the chip himself. All is fine until his wife reached over and crunched his potato chip! He got mad and an argument followed. 

Can each of you think of a stupid argument you’ve heard (maybe you were in it), and then answer the following questions.

• What made the argument stupid?
• Why do you think it became an argument?
• How could the argument have been avoided?

Here are more questions you may want to discuss, especially if you tend to argue alot:

• Are there certain conditions where we argue the most?
• Are there some “rules” we could establish for when and how we discuss differences?
• Do we believe that all disagreements must be resolved?
• What do we do if there is an unsolvable problem?

Would you like to submit a stupid argument in the comments section below?